Paradox of Assholes

I read an article recently that talked about how in many ways societies misogyny extends to more than just women. It focused on political parties, equating the Democrats to feminine characteristics and Republicans to masculine characteristics. The idea being that Republicans get away with certain behaviors because they are the masculine party but Democrats can’t because they are the feminine party.

The feminization of the party also restricts how much anger, outrage, and general disgruntlement Democrats are “allowed” to express; they are the party that has to be fair, that has to maintain its commitment to the principles of equality and reasonableness. Somehow, at the same time, every trivial emotion of the right is valorized. This is why Mitch McConnell can whine that Democratic nominees never suffer this kind of scrutiny while ignoring his own refusal to even consider Merrick Garland. Of course, this has to do with his undeniable personal hypocrisy, but it is also indicative of his absolute buy-in to, and utter trust of, the cultural restrictions on what’s allowed for liberals versus conservatives. Men can howl about a man’s “life being destroyed” by being subjected to scrutiny for an almost unimaginably prestigious (and lucrative!) job; women are expected to suffer with equanimity through death threats, cruelty, and trauma. Republicans can pitch a fit about the outrageous treatment of the screaming, sniveling liar they’ve thrown in with; Democrats are expected to calmly present their objections, then gracefully accept it when nobody cares. Deviation from this expectation is possible—but it’s also punished.

I think this can be explained in the context of a person, or a party’s, D-score that we talked about a few weeks ago. Selfish figures are allowed to get away with things that nicer people can’t. “Masculine” figures, and political parties, get to do whatever they want, while “feminine” figures, and parties, have to be calm and follow rules. Because the masculine figures are assholes.

The “masculine” traits lean toward being an asshole. They want to win at all cost. The “feminine” traits want to find the best solution but aren’t willing to throw the baby out with the bath water. So the “masculine” Republicans win by being jerks because the “feminine” Democrats are unwilling to sacrifice the country in order to win.

But far from being a trait to be pitied, this aspect of “feminine” behavior should be honored. It is precisely those “feminine” traits that we have a society at all. Without compromise and caring about other people, we’d just be rabid tribes constantly killing each other for food.

The problem isn’t the Democrats being “feminine” its that we’ve structured society so that asshole masculinity has a chance to win. It’s similar to the Paradox of Intolerance.

The paradox of tolerance was described by Karl Popper in 1945. The paradox states that if a society is tolerant without limit, its ability to be tolerant will eventually be seized or destroyed by the intolerant.

Women, Democrats, normal nice people, Republican’s who have no idea what their party has become, etc aren’t going to win by becoming assholes. That way leads to everybody losing. We, as a society, need to stop rewarding asshole behavior.

Fortunately, we’ve been moving in that direction. Albeit slowly. And not without backtracking. Think about society now compared to a hundred years ago. Could you be openly gay? Could women even vote? What would happen if a woman accused a Supreme Court nominee of sexual assault, would anyone even care? Sure, it didn’t keep him off the bench but a lot of people are pissed about it.

The fact that all of those things have changed at all speaks to how much progress we’ve made against unrestricted asshole masculinity. We still have a long way to go. The sudden surge in open disdain from those in power is a direct response to those gains that have been made. They’re losing so they are fighting back the only way they know how, by being bigger assholes.

So keep fighting. They will lose in time if we do. Don’t let them win by being assholes.  Don’t back down. Paradoxically, that may require a little bit of assholery.

Call them on their bullshit. Refuse to let it go. Be intolerant of their behavior. But don’t become an asshole yourself. There is a difference between being enough of a stubborn jerk to counter their behavior and truly engaging in it yourself.

Most importantly, in the short term at least, vote on November 6th.